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January 11, 2022

Howdy - I seriously can't believe I actually sat down to get my website done. With a blog too, for that matter. I have never been one to write down all of my thoughts very consistently or well, so if I'm still horrible at it, bear with me. I'm trying to navigate day to day life as a creative and truly suck at keeping on schedule sometimes. I literally have to plan out my entire day with time blocks and stick to it like crazy or else I accomplish nothing. My brain is truly weird that way. I've come to the conclusion that I am just a bit challenged in how I function normally and that's okay. I just have to work a bit harder than some to truly zero-in on a task to complete it. Or I have to find various tricks to bring out my most creatively productive and self-aligned state.

There have been many things that have tried to distract and challenge me lately, whether they be emotional or just straight up mind-blowing, but I would say I'm doing pretty well all things considered. I'm seriously far from perfect and don't want to act like I am. My hopes for this blog or my website or my new YouTube channel are to finally let people into my life since I stayed hidden for so long. I normally post on Instagram about my day-to-day life but never really go in depth about my thoughts. Honestly, I have been really horrible to myself for a long time by making myself feel like I wasn't good enough. I've struggled for a while with my own obstacles that I create in my mind and keep myself from reaching my own fullest potential. So, I flood my brain with positivity until it starts to naturally crave it.

Mediations have really been helpful, self-help books as well, positive affirmations, sunshine/exercise, journaling especially. I have to do anything I can in order to make sure I don't sink into the darkness that I've known all too well. It hasn't been easy, but with a lot of love I have been able to transform the way that my brain responds.

I'm very thankful for how far I have come to where I am now. It's taken a lot of self-work and patience, but it has been so worth it. I'm pretty impatient and stubborn, too so the fact that I haven't given up yet is kind of remarkable. There's been plenty of times I've wanted to give up but ultimately just couldn't stand the thought of quitting (that's the stubborn part). I really doubt anyone will actually end up reading this blog but if they do, maybe they can somehow relate. Or hey, at least it's for my own amusement then. I can look back on these and see how much I've grown. Hopefully a lot. I have so much shit left to do, ya know?


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