The lonely island dilemma

With each passing day, we are given a complete new set of opportunities. It is up to us to choose what to do with those opportunities. Lately, I've been choosing myself and reaching my goals steadily because of it. I'm not always perfect in my approach but still coming into it with honesty and transparency. I've finally allowed myself the mental freedom to focus on what needs to be done by eliminating distractions, surrounding myself only with people and things that keep me on task. I have to feed my brain positivity daily to feel "normal" enough to get anything done. But hey, if it works, it works. I think I need to find a better balance of a social/work life though. I don't really hang out with anyone outside of who I live with, with the exception of like 1-2 people. I've never really had a group of friends I can meet up with or confide in, so I've had to be there for myself during emotionally difficult times. I've always said I think it's better to be by myself than around people who don't uplift and encourage me to grow in a healthy way. Which is true.... BUT I've neglected creating a foundation of friends because of it. I've had friends in the past decide to leave without any explanation and it's made me feel untrusting of getting too close to others. I don't want to get older and regret not having built any bonds, shutting out the possibility of something beautiful and creating memories. I don't have photo albums of memories made with friends that I can look back on with fondness. I'm a lot like my dad in many ways, and he's always been a recluse as well. He really only has my mom and maybe one or two others he can talk to and be himself with. I've seen how jaded my dad has become, not being open or trusting of others, and I don't want to be like that, untrustingly closed off from giving my light to those who need it and vice versa. One of the amazing parts of being alive is our connectedness outside of our individuality. We are meant to connect and love and share energy, not live as islands apart from everyone else. So, as I continue on this path of focus and growth, one of my new goals is to finally make some friends and begin to build new relationships. I really enjoy my alone time and value it greatly, but I think it's definitely time that I make an effort to live a more well-balanced life involving making more friends.

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