Protect your peace

For the last half of a year, I've gone through some very drastic internal self-transformation. It started at the beginning of January/February when I dealt with both a broken heart and the loss of a best friendship. During that time, I had also been experiencing severe depression and anxiety, making it impossible for me focus or work. I decided a couple months back that I was going to slowly eliminate the negative or panic inducing influences in my life, leaving only the people and things that give me peace. Since then, I've steadily felt more and more aligned with myself with each day. I still have to work through some creative blocks but knowing that my mind is clear and focused has made it so much easier to figure out. Recently, I've been having some great discussions with a good friend about all of these things, and I've found a lot of answers to my questions that I haven't had before. It's been an uphill struggle my whole life to reach any kind of goal because of the mental fuckery I face daily. It is so very important to protect and prioritize yourself so that you have what you need to function at peak performance first. I'm travelling out of state next month to help my parents move again. As excited as I am to finally see them for the first time since late 2019, I'm also concerned about how I will be able to keep the peace I've created lately. I've worked very hard to get to this point and I fear that any change to the routine I've made will throw me off. I know it will be physically exhausting because I will be the only young fully able-bodied adult there to help them adjust. I also know it will be mentally/emotionally exhausting because of the different personalities within my family who do not view internal peace and communication the way that I do. I think I'm at the point in my life where peace is the biggest thing that I crave. I've noticed how I feel when talking to certain people. Some make me nervous and on edge, very few make me feel calm and positive. I recognize now that those kinds of people are incredibly valuable and I only want that around me at all times. Because I've been finding a bit of stability lately, I'm finally able to start being productive and I'm so happy about that. The next couple of weeks, I'm focusing only on finishing work that needs to get done before I leave so that while I'm there, I don't have to worry or feel stressed about recording and writing for projects that I have. I think that will make it a little less difficult if any outside energy tries to take me off my path. I'm still nowhere near perfect and make mistakes constantly but I'm able to forgive myself for them at least. And I think that is definitely something that I couldn't say about myself last year. I'm so proud of how far that I've come and continue to grow. It's all thanks to my endless pursuit of peace.

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